The European Commission Directive

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “S” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f” This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “O” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor t rubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.


  1. Don,
    First thing that popped in my head when reading this post was the German Colonel Dietrich in Indiana Jones - Raiders of the Lost Ark ;P

    I like my "English/British" english ! it's The Real McCoy !! anything else is just plain emm well yeah NOT !! :P

    besides it's the best excuse I have for my horrid spelling :P

  2. Please tell me you're joking.

    We had similar suggestion (in regards to Greek) recently, to simplify spelling - thanks goodness it wasn't accepted.


    On the other hand - LOL!

  3. Heh this is good news, I am even surprised they had contemplated using German

  4. diigmaa: you got an english accent? cool, is it BBC english, or geordie or cockney or scotish or irish, etc. or different combinations?

    Mine started out American then got diluted into English and now it is sort of Arabized yet still correct and eloquent.

    QC: It is a joke ;-)

    Amer: I have a theory on why English is becoming the universal language, the reason being that you can be easily understood in English no matter how you butcher the language. Try to do that in any other language and the reactions can range from a painful grimace to getting beaten up.

  5. Don Dearest,
    I speak the Queens English Darling ;) Even my Arabic has a spec of posh in it :P
    Like you, some think it's "cool", others say I sound like an Oxford Professor even when chatting nonsense ... some even think it somewhat sexy :P But the majority of ppl around me feel an urge to contribute to the British atmosphere that it diffuses... it's just plain contagious if u ask me.. Which I personally prefer to be honest with you, rather than being in the spot light and ppl “taking the Mickey out of me” every time I utter a word. ;P
    Nonetheless, as a part of my innate dramatic character and sheltering shy demeanor, I tend to shift accents with mood and setting as not to draw too much attention to ones self :P

    P.s. The manner I speak in is exactly the same manner I write :P


  6. LMFAO!!

    Also, I read digma's comment trying on a british accent. Gosh Darnnit it IS contagious!

  7. DiiGMaa: I like it posh; but I like Kate Beckinsdale also, that could be the reason.

  8. Heheheh yes it's much more pleasant when referring to Kate Beckinsdale rather than Margaret Thatcher :P

  9. ziz iz a r aly int rzting artikl.

    Mohamed Qasem